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How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of drinking and thought 'How did I get home?'

As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the bar to your home. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter.

The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices.

The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the slurring gland begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal.

It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'.

Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all UDI (unidentified drinking injuries - eg. often bruises and unexplained cuts, usually found on the legs and all over the body).

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles* cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with interesting consequences.

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15 February 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy

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