Miscellaneous Genie Jokes

definitive internet genie joke book
Custom Search
 Previous Page

Use the arrows - or choose a link

next

Innocence  |  No Wishes  |  The Cat  |  Lucky Jim  | Desirability |

Innocence

The family strolled along the beach at low tide; a beautiful day, and they were all happy to be alive. Suddenly, little Mary, 6, found an old lamp. She picked it up and rubbbed it. A genie popped out and granted them one wish apiece.

Mom said, "I want the best for us all; give me a million bucks a week, tax free." The genie granted the wish.

Pop said "I want to be head of the company. I've earned it!" The genie made him Head Honcho.

The child said, "My neighbor's cat scratches me when I pick it up. I want it killed."

No Wishes Today

Walking along the beach, John tripped over a half-buried kerosene lantern. He rubbed its side and sure enough, a Genie materialized.

"I can't grant your wishes," explained the freed spirit, "Due to poor connectivity with the seventh dimension. But I'll give you three off-the-shelf gifts for releasing me: a potion to cure ill health, a very large diamond, and a dinner date with a famous movie star. By tomorrow afternoon, you will have received all these gifts."

When John returned home from work the next evening, he excitedly asked his mother if anything had been delivered.

"Yes," she replied. "It's been an unusual day. At 2 pm, a 55 gallon drum of chicken soup arrived. About a half-hour later, a telegram came saying that a long-lost relative had left you a minor-league baseball stadium. Ten minutes ago, MGM called, inviting you to dinner with Lassie tonight."

The Cat

A poor little lonely old lady lived in a house with only her cat as a friend. One day, the lights went out as she sat knitting; she had been unable to pay the electric bill. So, she went up to the attic and got an old oil lamp from her childhood. As she rubbed it clean a genie appeared and allowed her three wishes.

"First, I want to be so rich I never have to worry about money again.''
"Second, I want to be young and beautiful again.''
"And last, I want you to change my little cat into a handsome prince.''

As you would expect, there was a loud explosion, with a lot of thick smoke. As the smoke cleared she saw she was surrounded by big bags of coins, and that in the mirror was a young beautiful woman. She turned as the handsome prince walked in the door, held her in his arms and said, "Now I'll bet you're sorry you took me to the vet for that little operation."

Lucky Jim

Jim was strolling down the street in Chicago where he came across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and out popped a genie. The genie offered to grant him one wish, to which the guy replied, "I've always wanted to be lucky." The genie granted his wish.

So off the guy strolled, wondering how this would change his life, when he saw ten dollars on the sidewalk. Not a bad start, he thought. As he picked it up, he noticed a betting shop across the road. He strolled over, looked through the racing lists, and saw a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at the Meadowlands.

He put the 10 dollars on the horse to win, and as luck would have it, the horse bolted in. Feeling on a bit of a roll, he headed to the local illegal casino, went up to the roulette table and put the entire $1010 on "Lucky seven!" Round and round the wheel spun ... and ... Lucky Seven. Now his head was spinning. It was all too much to take in. He decided to slow it all down, take time to think. So he turned into the drug store to buy a newspaper.

All of a sudden he was showered with streamers and handed a glass of champagne. "Welcome sir! We're pleased to inform you that you are our lucky 10 000th customer, and you have won the right to an evening with Miss Drugstore, USA, who happens to work here, absolutely free of charge!"

As the crowd jostled him, he felt her eyes on him "You are the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. I can't believe how lucky I am." He took her hand. Then remembered where he was. He flushed and looked down in his embarassment. He noticed a smudge of grease on her hand, probably where she'd struggled to stay vertical amongst the crowd. He rubbed it with his finger absentmindedly as she told him how she was looking forward to their evening out.

Suddenly he looked up, smiled and shook his head in disbelief.

"What's wrong, what's wrong?" asked Miss Drugstore, USA.

He pointed to her hand ... where the smudge had been were three Ford logos in a row: "You won't believe this, but I've just won a car!"

Desirability

There was a girl looking at old stuff in her attic when she found a bottle. She pulled out the cork and out came a genie.

"Since you freed me from this bottle, I will grant you one wish," said the genie.

"I wish that I could be irresistible to boys," said the girl ... and POW! The girl turned into a brand new remote control car.

 Previous Page The definitive internet genie joke booknext
15 February 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy
 

Top of Page

This site is dedicated
to the memory of
Karen Carpenter
1950 - 1983,
a Genie who never
escaped from the bottle
Karen Carpenter