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Elephant Jokes

elephant with legs

Q: What's the biggest drawback of the jungle?
A: An elephant's foreskin.

Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.

Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.

Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.

Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.

Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!

Q: What is more difficult than getting two elephants in the back seat of your car?
A: Getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car!!

Q: Whats more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in the back seat of your car?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in the back seat of your car!

Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.

Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.

Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberries?
A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.

Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to get a new fence.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
A: Free Parking.

Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
A: Sole use of the elevator.


Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants coming over the hill?
A: "Look, there's 1,000 elephants coming over the hill."

Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.

Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind)

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw 1,000 elephants with sunglasses on, coming over the hill?
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"


Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.

Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey the Elephant.

Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!

Q: What do elephants use for slippers?
A: Sheep!

Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.

Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.

Q: What is the difference between a sorority girl and an elephant?
A: About 40 lbs.

Q: How do you equalize the two?
A: Feed the elephant. (From the "Canonical List of Sorority Girl Jokes")

Q: What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
A: An elephant with diarrhea.

Q: What's grey, has four legs, and a trunk?
A: A mouse, going on a cruise.

Q: What's brown, has four legs, and a trunk?
A: The same mouse, coming back from holiday.

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.

Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
A: A pachydermatoligist.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker?
A: A two-ton pickup.

Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.

Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly?
A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin.

Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees.

Q: Did you ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: No? See, it works!!!

Q: How do you get an elephant to sit on a cherry tree?
A: Plant a seed and let the elephant stand on it.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a cherry tree?
A: It doesn't, it gets down from a duck.

Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn (or wait for parachute practice.)

Q: Why do elephants wear springs on their feet?
A: So they can jump up in trees and annoy the monkeys.

Q: What sound do monkeys hate most?
A: Booooiiiiiinnnngggg ... Booooiiiiiinnnngggg ... Booooiiiiiinnnngggg ...

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.

Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.

Q. Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
A. To sneak across a pool table without being seen.

Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.

Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming ducks.

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.

Q: Why do elephants have Big Ears?
A: Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.

Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: Because they might drop their trunks.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
A: Take out all the matches first.


Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.

Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.

Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are skydiving.

Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.


Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't, you get down from a duck.

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: Four, two at the front, two at the back.

Q: How do you know if you pass an elephant?
A: You can't get the toilet seat down.


Q: How do you get four elephants into a mini?
A: 2 in the front and two in the back.

Q: When your doorbell rings, how do you know it's an elephant?
A: There's a Mini outside with three elephants in it.

Q: What did the fifth elephant in the mini discover?
A: The sun roof.

Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a mini?
A: None, it's full of elephants!

Q: The Lion (King of all the Animal) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the mini.

Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the mini door, take the elephant out, close the mini door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in your fridge?
A: Footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in your fridge?
A: Two sets of footprints in the butter.

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in your fridge?
A: Can't get the fridge door closed.

Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a mini parked outside it.

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: The fridge isn't not large enough to hold them all.


Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
A: It's bike is outside.

Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
A: There is a dent in the cross-bar.

Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window.

Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 200 gallons of Coca Cola ...

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you?
A: She has a big 'E' on her pajama jacket pocket.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: Heard of the wallet made of elephant foreskin?
A: When you rub it, it turns into a briefcase.

Q: How does the male elephant find the female elephant when she's lying down in tall grass?
A: VERY attractive.

Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead! (damn elephants get into everything!)


Q: How do elephants get up trees?
A: They sit on an acorn and fall asleep.

Q: How do elephants get down from trees?
A: They sit on a leaf and wait for Autumn.

Q: Why are crocodiles long, thin and flat?
A: They walk under trees in Autumn.


Q: Have you heard about Hannibal crossing the Alps with elephants?
A: It didn't work.

15 February 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy