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Andrew Heenan's 160 Five Star Lightbulb Jokes

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Due To Climate Change, This Site Uses Only LED Light Bulbs.

light bulbs - change or be changed

About Light Bulb Jokes


These pages are dedicated to the greatest jokes of all time; the jokes that rendered the elephant obsolete, the jokes that even Seinfeld fears. Light Bulb Jokes. Sadly, they are not funny. But you can't have everything.

In its finest form, the light bulb joke is making fun of a 'type' of human being. Stereotyping is what they do - but they should require a bit of imagination. I have tried to edit out the purely offensive, most of the stale stereotypes and the almost-duplicates. I have rewritten some, as much for readability as for content. I have avoided the essays and the ones that just make sexual innuendo about the word 'screwing'. I intend this page to become the definitive list of classic light bulb jokes; do call again if you can bear it.

I have collected these from all over the place, paper as well as the web - it is amazing how many web sites produced the same bunch of jokes, often with the same typographical errors. Do feel free to challenge the versions you find here - and I will be eternally grateful for any new tales you can add to the list.

The Formula

Posterity is grateful to whoever defined this formula, which describes many (though not all) LBJs. You may find it useful in creating your own LBJs.

Q: How many (name of a class of people) does it take to change a light bulb ?

A: (A finite positive integer F.) One to change the bulb, and the rest to (behave in a manner stereotypical of their group) or (say something stereotypical of their group in certain situations.) Note 1 If F= less than 2, then the joke can still be extremely funny, but may not match the formula.

Note 2 If F=0, they require the most ingenuity to devise. This group includes some of the very best - but beware, it also includes some that are "clever" but could never, ever, raise a smile.

Note 3 Light bulb jokes may not be politically correct - but they should be a little more than down right insulting.

Note 4 The same jokes reappear in many lightly-disguised forms, or get generalised with the most boring of stereotypes (jewish princesses, WASP princesses, blondes and Essex girls) This list tends to stick to the obvious: Bimbos, on the basis that they are a self-selecting group (blondes can't help it) and Real Men, because when your ego is larger than your sense of humour, you deserve all you get. The joy is in applying the joke as you wish. (I have never seen one for doctors' receptionists, but I could use many of these)

Note 5 A good test is, 'could I repeat this in a bar, to a mixed audience' if it is too clever, too insulting, or simply too long, then maybe ...


One day a lady came into the shop and asked for a box of low energy light bulb s.
"That'll be £4.00 please", said the shopkeeper as he wrapped them.
"£4?" said the lady, "They are only £3.50 next door."
"Why don't you get them next door then?" asked the shopkeeper.
"I would," she replied, "but they haven't got any in stock."
"Ah," said the shopkeeper, "Ours are only £1.99 when we haven't got any."

Copyright matters: I do not expect payment for use of any of this material (c'mon!), and I am happy to admit that I have shamelessly borrowed from all over the web. But I created this page and worked into the night to edit the material and put it all together, and I assert whatever rights I have.

In other words ... If you do copy any or all of it, please give me due credit, and quote the page address too:
http://www.weirdity.com/jokes/light-bulb-jokes-a.shtml 

Thanks!


Acknowledgement and Thanks to ...

Wafaa Basravi, Mike Swindlehurst, Chyna31621, Seán Thorp, Michael Redfern, Ho-Tan Whai Aun, FatJack47, Christine Rath, Michael Smith, 'New User', James E. Hughes, Jim Lees, Deb
last one out turn off the light last one out turn off the light last one out turn off the light last one out turn off the light last one out turn off the light
Andrew Heenan's 160 Five Star Lightbulb Jokes

AD | About LBJs | L | R | Celebrities
Due To Climate Change, This Site Uses Only LED Light Bulbs.

There are plenty more of these ... please help me catch the best

15 February 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy