How many people
does it take
to change a low energy light bulb ?
light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
~ Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the low energy
light bulb , and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.
~ None. They never get the house
~ One. But it takes two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.
~ None; they just tell it to take
two aspirin and get plenty of rest.
~ One; but he needs a nurse to tell
him which end to screw in.
~ Two; one to change the bulb and one to
sign the death certificate.
~ Three; one to diagnose the problem, one
to prescribe a new bulb ... and one to watch the nurse change it
~ Twenty-one; one to hold the bulb and 20
to drink until the room spins.
one to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists who are trying to elbow
their way into the spotlight.
one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.
~ does it take to replace a light bulb? None. Efficiency
experts replace only dark bulbs.
~ One-ish; it depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb.
Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone
and change the room. It's all relative.
~ None. They will never find another bulb that burns as brightly as
the old one.
One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required,
one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable
- but functional - hand grip, one to design warning labels for the bulb, the switch
... and ...
~ Thirty three.
One to do it, two to bask in its glory, and thirty to take collections in the
Feminists (of the militant variety)
~ 100; one to do it and the other 99 to say that the bulb screwer does
not represent mainstream feminism in doing so.
~ Three; one to change
the bulb, two to bitch about how the socket has been violated by men in the past.
~ Two; one to do the changing, one to tell any man in sight to ****
off, just in case they were going to volunteer to help.
~ That's not
~ Just one, but
he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his
last light bulb was much better.
~ Four; Three to cut a hole in the roof, one to change the bulb
~ None; just assume it's changed.
~ None; that's the electrician's
~ One to take out the old bulb, and put it back
~ Two. but I do not know how you get them in there.
singers (of the Traditional English Variety)
~ Five; one to change
the bulb, one to complain that it's electric, one to stick his finger in his ear,
two to write a dirge in honour of the old bulb.
~ Wouldn't you like to know?
~ Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis. I mean ladder.
~ Three; one to turn up the day before, when you're out;
one to change the switch; one to realise that light bulbs don't run on gas.
~ Three, one to screw in an Art Deco bulb and two to shriek
Gay rights activists
"the light bulb shouldn't have to change for society to accept it."
~ Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
~ Only one, but it takes a heck of a lot of light bulbs!
~ None. They prefer everything all black anyway.
~ Two, of course. One stands at one end of the room and argues that
it isn't dark; the other stands at the other end and says that true light is impossible.
This dialectic creates a synthesis which does the job.
~ Twenty-two. One to change the bulb, and the others to
kick the switch.
HiFi anoraks (CD)
but the old bulb keeps getting stustustustustustustustustustuck
~ One, but the old bulb keeps getting stuck ...
getting stuck ... getting stuck ...
~ Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
~ None; if the light bulb is out, that's the way Nature intended
~ Ten; one to do it and
nine to document it.
~ None, they just deny the bulb ever went out in the first place.
~ None; first, they can't be sure the socket's feminine, and second,
they'd really rather the bulbs stayed in the closet.
~ Twenty-two; one to screw in the new bulb, 21 to shoot
~ Four; one to rob
the liquor store to get money for the bulb, one to drive the getaway car, one
to screw in the new bulb, and one to hold his crack pipe while he does it.
~ Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the
other to try and sell it before it crashes.
~ Two, but it's actually the same science fiction writer. Isaac1 went
back in time and met Isaac2 in the doorway; Isaac1 then sat on Isaac2's shoulders
so that they were able to reach the bulb. Then the temporal instability created
by this paradox caught up, and the entire room, light bulb and all, was blown
out of existence. Both Isaacs continue to exist in a parallel universe, however.
~ Three; one to screw in the
new bulb, one to ask the old one how it feels to be replaced, and one to take
questions from the audience.
but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Andrew Heenan's 160 Five Star Lightbulb Jokes
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