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Seen On The Telly

see also:

Advice From The Telly,
Telly Weirdities

Education from the small screen...

People with strong New York accents are always cracking jokes.
People with strong Southern accents are always stupid.
People with English accents are always intellectuals.
The person you confide your deepest suspicions to tends to be one of the bad guys.
People often have two simultaneous commitments, and have to run back and forth between them, causing much hilarity.
Women cannot run on their own, even when their lives are at stake. Instead, they stumble over rocks as the hero half-drags them along.
When a bad guy is being chased, he will always try to escape UPWARD to a rooftop, water tower, or the Statue of Liberty and find himself trapped.
Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and
pant.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at
an object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
All single women have a cat.
One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them
all than 20 men firing at one.
Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to
armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total
opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
each other.
Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal
damage despite laying entire cities to waste.
No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal
gravity system is never damaged.
If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide
with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their
son's eighth birthday.
Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large
red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended
from duty.
Nobody ever says goodbye on the phone.
Or checks a 15-digit number while dialling
The Chief of Police is grumpy but has a heart of gold - unless there's an election coming. Then he's just plain evil.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
The Chief of Police is always wrong.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit
a strip club at least once.

Collected from around the web ... let's add some more!

Contributions from: Tom Rudd, Karen Sandness, Anon

15 February 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy
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Diversion to the Quagga Project

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