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Forrest Gump Goes to Heaven

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

"Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you," Saint Peter says, "We have heard a lot about you. However, I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've had to introduce an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before we can let you into Heaven."

"It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this." Forrest responds, "but nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."

Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forrest, but the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the wTop begin with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? and Third, what is God's first name? Go away and think before you give me your answers"

Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to Saint Peter to try to answer them.

Saint Peter waves him up and asks, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, give me your answers. First, how many days of the wTop begin with the letter 'T'?"

Forrest says, "Well shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today and Tomorrow!"

The saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest! That's not what I was thinking, but ... you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify what I wanted, so I give you credit for that answer. How about the next one; how many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest. "But, I thunk and I thunk about that, and I guess the answer can only be twelve."

Astounded, Saint Peter says, "Twelve! Twelve! Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second ..."

"Hold it," interrupts Saint Peter. "I see where you're going with it. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind. I'll give you credit for that one too. Let's go on to the next and final question: can you tell me God's first name?"

Forrest says, "Well shore, I know God's first name. Everbody probly knows it. It's Howard."

"Howard?" asks Saint Peter, looking desparately around for a couple of paracetamol tablets, "Howard? Howard? What makes you think it's 'Howard'?"

Forest answers, "It's in the prayer."

"The prayer?" asks Saint Peter, mentally bringing forward his long awaited holiday, "Which prayer, Forrest?"

"The Lord's Prayer," responds Forest: "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name...."

15 February 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy
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