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| In the
days of King Arthur, a young, recently ennobled Knight, Sir Notalot, joined
the Knights of the Round Table just as they were about to go out on yet
another of their interminable forays in search of the Holy Grail.
He ran, panting, into the court to find King Arthur alone and he said, "Sire, what must I do to join the knights on their holy quest?" King Arthur replied "Well, first you must get yourself some armour - it is dangerous out there!"
Sir Notalot went off to the chief armourer and said "I need armour to go in search of the Holy Grail - what can you offer me?" The Armourer said "Well, I can do you the bespoke stainless steel all-over protect-all with expanding cod-piece, the same model in galvanised iron for half the price or the fully rusting chain mail for half again. Poor Sir Notalot could not afford any of these options, so the armourer said "If you care to go round the back of the Frog and Bucket ... " (at least that's what I think he said) "... you will find a large pile of discarded pewter ale tankards. Collect as many as you can and bring them back here and I shall fashion them into armour for you"
So, Sir Notalot went to the inn and collected all the pewter mugs he could carry and took them back to the armourer. This good man then proceeded to batter the tankards flat and hang them on strings around Sir Notalot's neck until his whole body was covered. The only problem was that Sir Notalot clanked at every step.
Sir Notalot walked back to the court, clanking all the way. He walked into King Arthur's presence to show off his new armour and the King said "This is all very well, but you need a fine charger to ride with the other knights when they leave tomorrow"
Sir Notalot then went to the farrier to see what he could offer. The farrier said "Well, I have this fine white charger or this slightly smaller dappled mare at half the price or...." Poor Sir Notalot could not afford any of these options, so the farrier thought for a moment and said "I do have this magnificent Saint Bernard dog which has recently been repossessed since the owner couldn't keep up with the brandy consumption - will that do?" Sir Notalot paid over his last rusty coins, jumped onto the dog's back and galloped back to the King - his feet dragging in the dust as he went, his armour clanking away.
The courtyard was deserted, but a passing peasant pointed to the East; "The others have gone that way" So, Sir Notalot charged out on his faithful hound, his armour clanking, his feet dragging in the mud. It started to rain and the water ran inside the pewter armour and down Sir Notalot's legs, soaking the St Bernard as well. And then the rain was so heavy that the road (Just a mud track, really) started to flood. And then the thunder and lighting started.
Eventually, Sir Notalot reached the inn where the other knights had stopped for a rest. He rode up to the door and said to the inn-keeper, "Hail, inn-keeper" (since it was hailing by now) "have you a room? I have no money, but I am prepared to wash the mugs and clean the bar" And the inn-keeper said "No chance. Since my pewter mugs were stolen, I use disposables. And the bar was cleaned just last year."
In despair, Sir Notalot said "But surely you have somewhere I can shelter from the storm? You wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this?"
|15 February 2017 | sitemap | | | Privacy|