Weirdity Home Page
Custom Search

Autopilot   Bar Bet   Barometer    Breathalyzer   Bubba    Buccaneer   Clown   Couple Democracy   Talking Dogs   Exothermia   Flowers   Gorilla   Gump   Head   Knight   Legion   Marooned   Mamba   Maths   Marx   Meat   Party   Parrots   Pharmacist   Poppins   Porky   Question   Salesman  Shorts   Success   Theorem   Vet   Woman

Parrot Tales

A man decided to buy a parrot. He went into a pet store, chose the prettiest one, and took it home. A week later, the man returned to the pet store. He complained to one of the clerks; "Sir, I bought a parrot in this store a week ago, and I can't get him to talk. What should I do?"
The clerk thought for a moment, and replied, "Try buying a bell. Parrots love bells."
So the man bought a bell and went home. A week later the man returned to the pet store and spoke to the clerk again: "I gave the parrot the bell, but he still isn't talking."
The clerk thought about it, and said, "Try buying a swing. Parrots love swings." So the man bought a swing and went home.
A week later, he was back: "The parrot still isn't talking."
The clerk thought long and hard, and said, "Try buying a perch. Parrots love perches." So the man bought a perch and went home.
A week later, the man returned to the pet store and found the clerk. He said,"The parrot died."
The clerk, suprised, asked, "Did he speak before he died?"
"Yeah, he did. He said, 'Doesn't that darn pet store sell food?' "


When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot. This parrot was fully grown -- with a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the very least, extremely rude.
Bill tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music -- anything he could think of to try and set a good example... Nothing worked. Exasperated, he yelled at the bird. But the bird just got louder. Then he shook the parrot. But the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Bill put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming ... Then, suddenly, all was quiet. Bill was frightened that he might have hurt his dead uncle's prized parrot and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Bill's extended arm and said, "I am truly sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action and I humbly ask your forgiveness. I will now, from this day forth, endeavor to correct my behavior so that such an ill-perceived outburst never again occurs."
Bill was completely astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had caused such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did to offend you?"

15 February 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy
If you chuckled, send the page to a friend
Diversion to the Quagga Project

Contributions Welcome!