A man decided to buy a parrot. He went into a pet
store, chose the prettiest one, and took it home. A week later, the man
returned to the pet store. He complained to one of the clerks; "Sir, I
bought a parrot in this store a week ago, and I can't get him to talk.
What should I do?"
The clerk thought for a moment, and replied, "Try buying a bell. Parrots
So the man bought a bell and went home. A week later the man returned
to the pet store and spoke to the clerk again: "I gave the parrot the
bell, but he still isn't talking."
The clerk thought about it, and said, "Try buying a swing. Parrots love
swings." So the man bought a swing and went home.
A week later, he was back: "The parrot still isn't talking."
The clerk thought long and hard, and said, "Try buying a perch. Parrots
love perches." So the man bought a perch and went home.
A week later, the man returned to the pet store and found the clerk. He
said,"The parrot died."
The clerk, suprised, asked, "Did he speak before he died?"
"Yeah, he did. He said, 'Doesn't that darn pet store sell food?' "
When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed
his uncle's prized Amazon parrot. This parrot was fully grown -- with
a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive.
Those that weren't expletives were, to say the very least, extremely rude.
Bill tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying
polite words, playing soft music -- anything he could think of to try
and set a good example... Nothing worked. Exasperated, he yelled at the
bird. But the bird just got louder. Then he shook the parrot. But the
bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation,
Bill put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming
... Then, suddenly, all was quiet. Bill was frightened that he might have
hurt his dead uncle's prized parrot and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Bill's extended arm and said, "I am
truly sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action
and I humbly ask your forgiveness. I will now, from this day forth, endeavor
to correct my behavior so that such an ill-perceived outburst never again
Bill was completely astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was
about to ask what had caused such a dramatic change when the parrot continued,
"May I ask what the chicken did to offend you?"