Targetted Genie Jokes
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The genie sensed her anger and allowed her to vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informed her that he would give her three wishes. But he cautioned her that because he does not believe in divorce, he would give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie granted her wish and she found herself sitting on a pile of one billion one-dollar bills.
The genie then reminded her that her husband was now the surprised recipient of ten billion dollars. The woman could barely contain her anger when she made her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, exactly as she had imagined her dream home, in every tiny detail. But the genie reminded her again that her ex-husband now owned ten of what she had wished for, and pointed out across the bay to a small development of ten such mansions.
Upon seeing this, the woman took her time to consider her final wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman said she had made up her mind. But, before she could say anything, the genie again warned her that her ex-husband would get ten times whatever she wished for.
"No problem," said the woman, smiling at last. "For my final wish ... I'd like to give birth to twins."
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I shall still give you three wishes as your reward for releasing me. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most. Your boss, I believe."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 50 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 100 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man asked for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborgini and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared a Lamborgini, a Ferrarri, a Jaguar and a Porsche.
"This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", the genie reminded him, and the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney."
A man is walking on the beach, and finds a bottle. He picks it up, and dusts it off. A genie pops out and tells him that he has three wishes, but he needs to be aware, that everything he wishes for, his ex-wife will get double.
The man says "OK, for my first wish, I want a million dollars. For my second wish, I want a new red corvette. And for my third wish, I want you to scare me half to death!"
Of course it was not like that at all; Poles knew what freedom was, and took to it like children in a sweet shop. But there were problems, and the shortages did not disappear overnight ... So when his last light bulb burned out, Old Stefan knew he'd have to stand in line for two hours at the store (and there would probably be none left by the time he got to the front of the queue). So he went up into his attic and started rummaging around for an old oil lamp he vaguely remembered from decades ago.
He found the old brass lamp in a corner, stained with grime of ages. He started to polish it and a Genie appeared in cloud of smoke.
"Hello, Mortal!" said the Genie, stretching and yawning, "For releasing me I will grant you three wishes."
The old man was astounded. But you don't live to his age in Central Europe without thinking on your feet. "I want Ghengis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his Mongol hordes, march to the Polish border, and then decide he has no argument with the Poles, and march back home."
"No sooner said than done!" thunders the Genie. "Your second wish?"
"Ok. I want Ghengis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his Mongol hordes, march to the Polish border, and then decide he has no argument with the Poles, and march back home."
"Hmmm. Well, if you're sure. Your third wish?"
"I want Ghengis Khan resurrected. I want him to re-unite his ..."
"We've done this, we've been there. What's this business about Ghengis Khan marching to Poland and turning around again?"
The old man has a gentle
smile, but there's no humour in his eyes ...
"This will look good on my mantel", he says, and takes it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and, as usual, grants him three wishes.
"I'd like an ice cold Coke right now!" He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island of beautiful women, who find me irresistable."
Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again."
Instantly, if not sooner, he's back in his government office.
Once there was a violist playing in the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra. He wasn't that wonderful a player, so he sat at the back of the section. One day he was cleaning out his attic and discovered an old lamp. He gave it a rub and out popped a genie.
"For letting me out of my lamp I'll grant you three wishes!" said the man of mist.
The violist thought for a moment and replied, "Make me a far better musician than I am now."
The genie told him that this would be done. He was to go to sleep, and in the morning he would be a much better musician. The next day he woke up to find himself the principal violist of the Symphony Orchestra. Well, this was just great, he thought! But he knew he could do better. He rubbed the lamp again, and out popped the genie.
"You have two more wishes!" said his insubstantial friend.
"I want you to make me an even better musician than I am now!"
Once again, the genie told him to go to bed, and when he woke up it would be so. When the violist awoke, he found he was now the principal violist of the Berlin Philharmonic. Well, the violist thought this was pretty grand, but knew he could do better yet. He rubbed on the lamp again, and once more out came the genie.
"This is your last wish." said the ethereal being.
"I want you to make me yet a better musician still!"
Yet again, he was told to go to sleep. The next morning, he woke up to find himself back in Winnipeg, sitting in the last desk of the second violin section.
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