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Gambling Jokes

Medicinal Poker

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague. “We need a fourth for poker tonight” said the friend.

“I’ll be right over” whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious dear?”

“Oh yes, very serious” said the doctor gravely “In fact, there are three doctors there already!”

The Luck of the Blonde

A blonde went to Las Vegas and found herself in a casino.

She had been in the casino for about an hour, and felt thirsty.

So she went to the drinks machine in the hall.

She put $1.00 in and a Coke came out, she put another $1.00 in and another Coke came out, she put one last $1.00 in and another Coke came out.

The casino security guy was watching and asked her “What are you doing?”

The sexy dumb blonde responded “Duh!! Winning!!!”

Gambling on deaf ears

Four life long friends from the same Chicago street spent a weekend gambling vacation in Las Vegas.

They'd agreed if one of them won big they would treat the others to another gambling break next holiday.

One of the men won $100,000 playing blackjack. He didn’t want to share his winnings, so decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home. He arrived home at 3 a.m. and immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and hid the money in it.

The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole.

He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf man. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man.

Grabbing his gun in anger, the gambler went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man’s house.

“You tell this SOB that if he doesn’t give me back my $100,000 I’m going to kill him!” he screamed at the professor.

The professor conveyed the message to his deaf friend, and his friend replied in sign language, “I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree, I wasn’t going to keep it, I did it to teach him a lesson for being so cheap and underhanded!”

The professor turned to the enraged man with the gun and said, “He’s not going to tell you. He said he’d rather die first!”

Winning the Lottery

A man rushed into his house and yelled to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!"

"Fantastic!", Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

"I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"

A Dog's Luck

A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog.

Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing. However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player.

Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!" The player smiled and said, "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

Blonde Luck?

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains how the game works:"I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The chauvinistic lawyer figures he will easily win the match since his opponent is a blonde, so he makes another offer:"Okay, how about this. If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.

He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers - all to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer, he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

15 October 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy