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Johnny & Mary

Homework - 1 |  Homework - 2 |  Service |  Spelling |  Stupid
Scared |  Burned |  Justice |  Big Day |  Detecting |  Ambition

Homework - 1

Johnny, where's your homework?" Asked teacher, more in hope than expectation.

"Sorry, Miss", said Johnny, "I couldn't do it, there was too much noise at home"

"Noise? All evening? What kind of noise?"

"It was the television, Miss, It was just too loud. I couldn't do the homework"

"Now Johnny", said Teacher, patiently, "You could have asked them to turn the sound down, surely?"

"No, I couldn't, Miss. There was no-one else in the room!"

HomeWork - 2

Johnny, where's your homework?" Asked teacher, more in hope than expectation.

"My dog ate it," was his confident reply.

"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss, I swear," insisted the boy. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

In Service

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning son."

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, focused on the plaque.

"Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor.

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly,

"Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"


The teacher says to her new class, "For our first lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Billy."

Billy stands up "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court."

The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Tyrone."

Tyrone stands up and says "My name's Tyrone. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m ... f-a-r-n ... f-n ... "

The teacher says, "Tyrone, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Johnny."

Johnny stands up and says, "My name's Johnny. My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you nine-to-five Tyrone ain't spellin' pharmacist by tomorrow."


The teacher was trying to teach a psychology course. She told the class she wanted to conduct an experiment.

"Anybody in this class who thinks they are stupid, please stand." She said. A few moments went by and nobody stood. Finally, Mary stood up.

"So you think you're stupid, Mary?" said the teacher,

"No, Miss" Mary replied, "I think I'm pretty smart. I just hate to see you standing there all by yourself."


One day, Grandma sent Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was lowering the bucket into the water, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.

He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.

"Where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.

"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma" exclaimed Johnny. "There's a big ol' alligator down there!"

"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"

"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"


One morning, Johnny sat quietly at the back of the class. No shouting, no clever remarks, no misbehaviour at all. Teacher was curious, and approached Johnny. She could see that he'd been crying.

"Is there something wrong, Johnny?" She said, kneeling by his side and taking his hand in hers.

"It's my Daddy, Miss" said Johnny, "He got burned."

"Oh Johnny, that's awful", said teacher, empathizing with his grief "was he badly burned?"

"They don't mess about at the crematorium, Miss."


One day, Mary came home from school, and said to her mother,

"Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."

"But that's terrible!" mother exclaimed, " I'm going to have a word with your teacher about this the way, what was it that you didn't do?"

Mary replied "My homework."

Home Alone

A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year old Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.

The salesman says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"

Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"

Johnny's Big Day

Johnny's Dad's boss needed to call him at home about an urgent problem. He dialed the home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to Johnny (he couldn't prove anything, but someone had placed a potato in his exhaust last time he visited) the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

"Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes," came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that Johnny would be left home alone, especially since the fire, the boss decided he would just leave a message with whoever was there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked.

"Yes," whispered Johnny, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

There was a perceptable pause before Johnny replied;
"They're looking for me."


Little Johnny`s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Johnny asked, "Why didn`t you keep him when you took his picture?"


On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!"

Then Mary spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take you order?"

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15 October 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy