How many people
does it take
to change a low energy light bulb ?
~ None; That's what research students are for.
~ Five; One
to write the grant proposal, one to do the mathematical modeling, one to type
the research paper, one to submit the paper for publishing, and one to hire a
student to do the work.
answer did you have in mind?
one to 'phone for an Expert, one to propose a toast to the new bulb. And 18 to
say what a lousy bulb the old one was.
~ Two. One to stand on a chair
to change it, one to say "I wish I was up there!"
~ One. They don't
like to share the spotlight
~ One, but 462 auditioned for the part.
~ Two; one to do
it in perfect synchrony(!) while the other one calls "To the left, and to the
left, and to the left, and to the left, and take it out, and put it down, and
pick it up, and put it in, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right,
and to the right..."
~ Three. One
to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough light bulbs until one is found
that isn't defective.
of them; each must do for theirself.
~ Two, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have been this
~ Three. One to change
it while the other two argue about how old the old one is.
~ Two, one to do it and one to say "My four-year
old could do better than that".
Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the universe.
~ None, astronomers
prefer the dark.
~ None. Atheists
never see the light.
... two ... three ... any advance on three?
~ Three; one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that
fits, one to make sure you get to pay for them all and another to tell you he
thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket.
~ Eleven; four to talk about how great it is that they've all come together
to do this, one to screw it in, one to video it for next year's reunion, one to
film it for the news, one to plan a marketing strategy based on it, one to reminisce
about mass naked bulb screwings-in in the '60s, one to watch reruns of '50s TV
shows, and one to play classic rock.
~ Eight. One person to get the scaffolding out, erect the scaffolding
tower, isolate the power supply, take the blown lamp out, find a replacement,
stick it in, reset the fuses, turn the power back on, climb up the tower, refocus
the light, take the scaffolding tower down and put it away. The other seven sit
in the control room, supervise, and broadcast helpful comments over the tannoy.
mind. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand
Six: One to change
it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.
one, but he'll do it too loudly.
Three! One to hold the bulb and two to
drink 'till the room spins.
Bass Players Worth Having
Only one. But good luck trying to find
Big black 1 x 4 x 9 monoliths
~ What? And wreck my nails?
~ What's a light bulb?
one to get the Diet Cokes out of the fridge and the other to call Daddy.
~ One; but you should've seen the line outside the producer's hotel room.
~ One; she stands on the ladder and waits for the world to revolve around
~ None; there's plenty of real men around to do it.
~ Four; one to make a new bulb out of an empty
bleach bottle, one to do the changing and one to show you how you can make
an interesting Christmas tree ornament out of the old one. And one to stop
the baby elephant destroying the TV studio.
~ Whoever heard of a born-again Christian who couldn't see the light?
~ None, they like to keep employees
in the dark.
~ About one third
less than for a regular bulb.
~ It takes 47; one to hold the bulb, 46 to turn the house around.
~ 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
~ None. "I can't change my low energy light bulb
. But I can change my burger to a Burger King burger."
~ Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to
~ Two; one to
change it, one to spray green paint on to the new bulb so no-one bashes it with
a big stick.
~ Are you kidding?
They won't even change a five dollar bill.
~ Break 'em, yes. Change 'em? No.
~ Three; one to do it, one to hear his confession and one to give the
old bulb last rites.
~ Two; one
to do it and one to cross the road.
~ Thousands, because Confucious says many hands make light work.
~ 1.3.billion - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.
~ Twelve; one to screw
in the low energy light bulb , one to sit in the jail because he happened to be
on the block, and ten to demonstrate on the streets.
~ Only one. But it takes nine visits.
~ None; THE BIBLE DOES NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT
One to change the bulb and three to go: "Ta da!"
Climate Change Sceptics
~ None. It's too early to say if the light bulb needs changing.
~ Dunno, I forgot my calculator.
~ Just one -- and he gets three credits for
Nobody knows, when
the light comes on they all run away.
Fifty to write boring reviews of all the existing light bulbs, all concluding
that Microsoft is best, one to write a remarkably similar review in a broadsheet
the next month, another to have a big one come out in a sunday paper paper two
months later (by then completely out of date), another to hint in that a completely
new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifty-fourth to report a rumor that
the new bulb is shipping with a virus.
~ Two; one always leaves in the middle of the project.
That's a hardware function.
one to deny that it's gone out, one to say that it's burning more brightly than
under any previous Labour government and one to change it while no-one's looking.
~Thirteen - One to screw it in; three to say he acted alone;
one to say that someone hidden in the ceiling helped; one to film it; one
to analyze the film and conclude that a) it was tampered
with and b) it proves that the first screwer did not act alone; one to
insist that the bulb was altered after it was unscrewed; one tramp to
walk across the room an hour later; one to blame Fidel Castro; one to fail
to assassinate castro; one to insist LBJ really screwed the bulb in; and
one to accuse all the others of being disinformation specialists. And don't
mention the guy on the grassy knoll on the northwest side of the plaza.
~ I'll have an estimate for
you a week from Monday.
Andrew Heenan's 160 Five Star Lightbulb Jokes
A | D | About
L | R | Celebrities
Due To Climate Change, This Site Uses Only LED
There are plenty more of these jokes... please
help me catch the best.