|One of the Benefits of the Y2K Bug
January 1, 2000
Dear Valued Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over
the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted
3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.
One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please
either take 9,400 days off work or notify our office and your next
pay check will reflect payment of $8,277,432.22 which will include
all pay and interest for the past 1,200 months.
Automated Payroll Processing
Letter to PC/Computing, May 1999, by Dave Lewis:
"People greatly underestimate the seriousness of the Y2K bug.
After all, to fix the problem, a computer programmer needs to find
date ... And we all know the likelihood of that happening!"
Y2K Backup System
Enclosed with this memo is a "Y2K Backup System" device
designed to meet short time emergency needs in case of a computer
operations failure, or operational delay. This device is the company's
Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface Liaison device. This
device has been field tested extensively, including certification
testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly maintained,
the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input.
Prior to use, the device will require preparation and testing. Tools
and supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding device;
and a supply of computer paper (with or without holes).
Gripping the device firmly in your hand, proceed to scrape or grind
the wooded end until it has a cone-like appearance. The dark core
area must be exposed to properly function. (Left-handed employees
should read this sentence backwards, and then go to your supervisor
Place a single sheet of computer paper on a smooth, hard surface.
Take the backup device, place the sharpened point against the paper,
and pull it across the paper. If properly done, this will input
a single line.
CAUTION: Excessive force may damage components of the device or
damage the data reception device. If either the P.E.N.C.I.L. or
the paper are damaged, go back to the preparation instructions above.
Proper use of the device will require data simulation input by
the operator. Placing the device against the computer page forming
symbols as closely resembling the computer lettering system you
normally use. At the completion of each of the simulated letters,
lift the device off the page, move it slightly to the right, replace
it against the page, and form the next symbol. This may appear tedious,
and somewhat redundant, but, with practice, you should be able to
increase your speed and accuracy.
The device is equipped with a manual deletion device. The device
is located on the reverse end of the device. Error deletions operate
similarly to the "backspace" key on your computer. Simply
place the device against the erroneous data, and pull it backwards
over the letters. This should remove the error, and enable you to
resume data entries.
CAUTION: Excessive force may damage the data reception device.
Insufficient force, however, may result in less than acceptable
deletion, and may require re-initialization of action as above.
This device is designed with user maintenance in mind. However,
if technical support is required, you can still call your local
computer desk supervisor at (800)-YOU-DUMMY.