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London UnderGround Wisdom

A selection of announcements reported by "Going Underground"

On the Northern Line:
"Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these
professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity, failing that, give it to me."

On the Piccadilly Line:
"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second
carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"

On the Central line:
"Next time, you might find it easier to wait until the doors are open
before trying to get on the train"

In a tunnel last summer:
"This is like that TV advert. I hope the person next to you is wearing a
good deodorant!"

At Camden Town Station (on a crowded Saturday):
"Please let the passengers off the train first...
Please let the passengers off the train first...
Please let the passengers off the train first...
Let the passengers off the train FIRST!...
Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines,
see if I care, I'm going home."

At Mill Hill East:
"Hello this is **** speaking, I am the captain of your train, and we will be
departing shortly. We shall be cruising at an altitude of approximately zero feet, and our scheduled arrival time in Morden is 15:15 hours. The temperature in Morden is approximately 15 degrees celsius, and Morden is in the same time zone as Mill Hill East, so there's no need to adjust your watches."

On the Northern line recently:
"Ladies and gentlemen this train has 22 doors on each side, please feel free to use all of them, not just the two in the middle".

On leaving Paddington:
"This is the Line Control Room at Baker Street. The Bakerloo Line is running normally today, so you may expect delays to all destinations."

[Based on public contributions to "Going Underground"]

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