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The Gorilla - 2

This man woke up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He came in to ask if we knew how to get rid of it. Well, we found a guy in the yellow pages.
"Is the gorilla male or female?" the service guy asks;
"Male," was the man's response.
"Oh yes, I can do it. I'll be right there," says the service guy. An hour later, he shows up with a baseball bat, a yorkshire terrier, a large pair of hand cuffs, and a shotgun. We all went out to watch, and explained his plan to the man and gave some instructions:
"Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the bat until he falls. When he does, the yorkshire terrier has been trained to go for his testicles. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself - this will allow you to put the handcuffs on. But whatever you do, hold on to the shotgun until the dog has a grip on the gorilla"
The man says, "I don't understand. What do I do with the shotgun?"
"Hopefully, nothing. But hold on to it until the dog has a grip"
So up the tree he goes, with the gorilla retreating ahead of him. When they get so high the tree is creaking everytime it sways, the guy starts poking at the gorilla. As it gets more and more frightened, it starts screaming like a banshee, and tries to defend itself from the guy with the bat. And all the time the dog is barking in anticipation. The gorilla gets lucky - or the guy gets unlucky - he loses his footing and starts to slip. Sensing victory, the gorilla lashes out, catches him round the face. Our guy manages one shout as he plummets earthwards:
"Shoot the dog!!"

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. He doesn't do too well, and just as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.
Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla.
This goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind.
Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his backlooking up at a mouthful of teeth and the lion says "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

15 October 2017  |  sitemap   |  | | Privacy
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